last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
