pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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