He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
