Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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