I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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