2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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