I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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