I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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