Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
