Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
