No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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