youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
