who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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