# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
