Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
