Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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