Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
