I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
