i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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