Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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