I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
