The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
