Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
