I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
