i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
