i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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