I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You dont lie about slip and slides
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
