The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
