i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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