i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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