I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
