I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
