Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
