listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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