Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
