Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
