Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Houston, we have a blender
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
