i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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