So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
