Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
