I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
