DIN'T JUSGE NE.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize