Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
