We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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