My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's the barista slut.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
