Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
