i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
