I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
