fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
