i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
