so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
