Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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