I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
