He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize