I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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