I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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