The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Farmville is her only friend.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
