I wish I only lived at night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
