new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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