i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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