Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize