You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
