I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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