i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
