wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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