is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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