i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize