did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
