Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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