Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
