That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
