oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
