If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize