How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
