Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
