i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
