Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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