he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
