I think I just saw someone hide a body.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
