my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
