If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
