Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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